Instead of prattling on and on about who was “well-dressed” and who wasn’t, I’ve decided instead to simply show some of the trends I noticed and list examples of who I enjoyed seeing, in each.

Why?  Well, for one thing, it should be noted that everyone walking on the red-carpet (any red-carpet) feels fierce in whatever he or she is wearing: Even Helena Bonham-Carter (one would assume).  For another, I can only refer you to that old addage about opinions being like assholes (everyone's got one).

Which leads me to my final point - namely, that this is my joint, and if I think that Charlize Theron’s look was too Spartan (yes, it’s Dior Haute Couture by Raf Simons, and yes it’s an architectural wonder; but it’s the Oscars, for Pete’s sake – would it have killed her to wear a necklace?) or that Jane Fonda looked fantastic – hey, it’s my prerogative to say so.  And, if you disagree; this is America, folks: Please, feel free to leave a comment.

SLIDE 1: BEAUTIES IN BLUSH

Amanda Seyfried wearing an Alexander McQueen gown with dragonfly-detailing, that actually made her look old-enough to drink, for once.  Jennifer Lawrence in Dior Haute Couture with 110cts of Chopard diamonds, including a necklace featuring 74cts of diamond beads, worn in reverse, down her back; with Roger Vivier’s Lucite and crystal “Boite de Nuit” clutch, and Brian Atwood shoes.  Octavia Spencer in another fabulous look from her go-to-designer, Tadashi Shoji; an Edie Parker pearlized Lucite clutch; and Lorraine Schwartz jewels.

SLIDE 2: FEMMES FATALES IN FRUIT-FLAVORED FROCKS

Jessica Chastain in that Giorgio Armani was easily one of my favorites of the night.  The hair, the skin, the gown – it all worked for a simply sublime look.  Kerry Washington in a Miu Miu gown with a train, the bust embellished with Swarovski crystals; and jewelry by Fred Leighton and Chopard.  Jennifer Garner was grape-tastic in Gucci; not to mention that spectacular Neil Lane darkened platinum collar with 200cts of diamonds; and shoes by Brian Atwood.

SLIDE 3: VIBRANT AND VIVACIOUS VIXENS

Fan Bing Bing was beguiling in her shocking-pink origami-style Marchesa and matching rubellite jewelry.  Jane Fonda looked like a thoroughbred in vivid yellow Atelier Versace, and a pair of yellow diamond chandelier earrings by Chopard.  Jennifer Aniston switched things up from her de rigueur black and bounced beautifully into this tomato-hued Valentino Haute Couture paired with jewels by Fred Leighton.

SLIDE 4: RAVISHING RHAPSODIES IN BLUE

Helen Hunt wowed everyone by going “green” in a blue gown from H&M that would’ve been a bargain at thrice the price, and not only looked fantastic with her coloring, but was accessorized dazzlingly with $750,000 worth of diamonds.  Jennifer Hudson was once, twice, three times a lady (and she wasn’t singing no blues) in a custom Roberto Cavalli gown, slit up-to-there, in blue leopard velour and burnout; and accessorized with jewels by Sutra.  Emmanuelle Riva swept regally down the carpet looking every bit the Lady in Lanvin.  Je t’adore, Alber!!!  Quvenzhané Wallis – in what might be proof that it is possible to look fabulous while staying age-appropriate, this junior miss was resplendent in Armani Junior, a sparkly headband, and a plush puppy purse.  Werk, Lil’ Q!

SLIDE 5: DARK AND SPARKLY

Adele proves once again that while we’d love her even if she showed-up in a burlap sack, that when she rocks the designs of one of her fellow Brits (in this case, a two-thirds-sleeve embellished Jenny Packham dress), she just rocks.  And speaking of rocks, those Harry Winston diamonds were just right.  Kristin Chenoweth looked like a confection in a gown by Tony Ward and jewelry by Simon G.  Salma Hayek looked every bit the bride of a billionaire in her midnight blue velvet Alexander McQueen with gold embroidered collar, and a funky hair thingamabob by Cindy Chao.

SLIDE 6: SLINKY AND SHIMMERING SIRENS

Halle Berry told folks she wanted to look like a Bond-girl, and her Versace dress paired with her faux-hawk did her right.  Naomi Watts rocked the most provocative silhouette of the night in a daring Armani Privé with Art Deco cut-out.  Sandra Bullock paired flat-ironed hair with a Roaring ‘20s-influenced Elie Saab and a jazzy Harry Winston hair clip.  Stacy Keibler was dressed to perfection (comme d’habitude) in a Naeem Khan column dress and jewelry by Lorraine Schwartz.

SLIDE 7: LET’S HEAR IT FOR THE BOYS!

Daniel Day-Lewis rocked his navy blue tuxedo by Domenico Vacca.  Eddie Redmayne was the proper Brit, in Alexander McQueen.  Daniel Radcliffe showed-off his post-Potter square-jaw and shoulders, in Prada.  Suraj Sharma channeled Italian flair, in Emporio Armani.  Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s date (Sally Field) tied his bow-tie, in the car; letting him look glam, in Gucci.  Jeremy Renner was every bit the Hollywood star, in custom Givenchy.

Red-Carpet Style
Oscars 2013

Get into it!