For nearly 40 years, Hy’s Steak House (a cousin of Canada’s Hy’s Steakhouse) has been serving steaks worth writing home about, in Waikiki.  They’re known for their Kiawe-broiled USDA prime steaks.  Recently, Thrillist published the article “The Best Steakhouse in Every State (and DC!)” and Hy’s was regaled as the winner from Hawaii.  So, we decided we’d return, this year.

Overall, the food was pretty good, starting with the Cheese Bread (the first basket is free, and they charge for every additional basket – but it’s so good and cheesy!).  The Caesar Salad (prepared tableside) was fantastic (leaving my Wedge in the dust).  The Sea Bass received a rave, and the Lamb Chops were great, but so enormous that two people could’ve (and should’ve) shared an order.  And the Bananas Foster (also prepared tableside, “in the famous Brennan’s tradition”) were splendid!

But our server/captain was an ass.  Now, I hate to call someone out, and as you readers are well aware, I don’t dwell on the negative – but this guy was so obnoxious that it became a running joke, and actually added to the good time we had (despite his best efforts to the contrary).

For instance, I asked what came on the Hy’s Wedge Salad, and he replied as though I had never eaten in a restaurant before “Well, the Wedge is a “wedge” of lettuce – usually Iceberg, and it’s covered with a dressing – usually Bleu Cheese, and put on a plate.” (Seriously.)

He picked a fight with my stepmother over why – despite her protests to the contrary – she would love Wagyu.  And when I asked about the lamb, he started spewing-out incorrect figures (“The rack of lamb is only cooked from above and below, so that’s two sides; but the chops (four double-chops) are cooked on both sides – so that’s sixteen sides!”)  Apparently, he’s a devotee of that “New Math.”

At this point, we unilaterally decided not to let his attitude derail our good time.  Next, came dessert.  When I pulled-out my camera to shoot the preparation of the Bananas Foster, he looked-up and said “I’ll tell you when to take the picture.” 

Now, you just know I’m getting a bit peeved, but I’ve held my tongue.  Until – just as I was about to deliver the punchline in some anecdote, instead of surreptitiously placing my coffee on the table - he proclaimed “Excuse me!”  Then, having my attention (and that of the entire table), resumed his normal speaking voice (dripping with disdain) and said “Your Double Espresso.”

So, having swung around from addressing the table, I looked up at him, arched an eyebrow, said “Thank you,” and then, swinging back to the table, prefaced the punchline (whatever it was) with the crack “Now, as I was saying, before I was so RUDELY interrupted…”

It’s one of those sayings that I’d always wanted to say.  It’s right up there with “We’ll head ‘em off, at the pass!”  And not only did I get to deliver it in an appropriate setting, he set me up, so beautifully, that it was very nearly implied.

At the end of the day, we’re all still joking about the jerky waiter.  And credit where it’s due – his tableside preparations of the Caesar Salad and Bananas Foster were sublime.  

Hy’s Steak House
Waikiki Park Heights Hotel
Click HERE for info

Get into it!